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:: week 4/52 ::

" I will sit by the river's trembling edge and look at the water-lilies, broad and bright,

which lit the oak that overhung the edge with moonlight beams of their own watery light.

There is some check in the flow of my being;

a deep stream pushes on some obstacle; it jerks; it tugs; some knot in the centre resists.

Oh, this is pain, this is anguish! I faint, I fail. My body thaws;

I am unsealed, I am incandescent.

Now the stream pours in a deep tide fertilizing,

opening the shut, forcing the tight-folded, flooding free.

To whom shall I give all that now flows through me, from my warm, porous body?

I will gather my flowers and present them.

I will give; I will enrich; I will return to the world this beauty."

{Virginia Woolf}

A lightness fills my being. After 6 weeks of carrying around a weight of worry, I am free. How interesting, this life, this body that can at times test us while at the same time teaching us lessons we need the most. Questions fill my mind. How can I walk forward with a heart mindful of the impermanence of our lives. When worries surface, what mindful habits can I foster to weather the ups and downs of this life? As I was worrying my way through the past 6 weeks, taking a moment to remind myself that "all will be well" or reciting the mantra "be here now" helped immensely. Self talk came in handy too, deciding to approach the concerns from a viewpoint of logic versus the wild imaginings of my scattered brain. How easily our thoughts can contrive the greatest sense of negative outcomes from nowhere. I want to walk forward from this experience with a greater understanding and appreciation for the value of positive mindfulness. Strengthening the armor of resilience to fight my way through whatever lands in my path of life. Reminding myself to live firmly planted in the present moment might just be the easiest answer after all.

My reading life has been lacking this past week. I've read, just nothing worth mentioning. I'm thankful for library shelves brimming with poetry. Dabbling in and out of the pages, I'll read a few lines that lift my soul, center my heart. What a gift.

We celebrated my oldest child's 18th birthday this week. Sitting across the table at dinner, deep into conversation, I couldn't help but feel humbled with this responsibility of being a mother and feeling that I've done a pretty good job. Such a rewarding and challenging-at-times journey, one I wouldn't trade for the world. We are in the midst of making final college decisions, I'm so excited for this next chapter in his life while at the same time feeling a small portion of a mother's heart-ache. Thank goodness his sister still has several years left at home!

This autumn, I planted over 200 bulbs. With the snow melted and warmer temperatures arriving, I'm eagerly anticipating seeing green shoots greeting the world. I've seen a few shoots popping up on my morning walks, which fills me with optimism.

I'm planning of sharing links to favorite recipes as part of this series. After countless (less than successful) gluten free brownie recipes, I'm happy to announce I've found what I would declare the perfect brownie recipe. My husband loved them, my kids had no idea they were gluten free. Of course, I wanted to eat the whole pan...I love brownies!! Check out her other recipes, they look delicious! The only change I made to the recipe was substituting half the cocoa powder with black cocoa powder. I'd also suggest adding espresso powder which adds a delicious richness to the chocolate. Enjoy!

In closing, I'm curious if you'd like to see more word gathering posts? I'm thinking once a week...I love this project yet I've questioned whether it's as interesting to others as it is to me. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Until next week, take care dear friends.

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1 Comment

Cathy Sly
Cathy Sly
Feb 02

I look forward to these once a week posts, April. Your beautiful photography and your soulful words. Happy birthday to your oldest, and glad the weight of worry has faded.

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